You’re walking down a crowded city sidewalk, minding your own business. Looking up at the faces of the people walking in the opposite direction (“I just came from there. You’re not missing anything.”). As you make eye contact with strangers you quickly look down at the ground so that you don’t make eye contact for too long…because…social anxiety stuff and you remember that when you have staring contests with cats they tend to flip out and try to slice your jugular and we have no doubt picked up some feline traits somewhere along the line of human evolution, right?
Anyway, painting a picture here, you then see a familiar face in the crowd. What has it been….4, no, 5 years at least. You struggle to put a name to the face. You both make eye contact and smile. Inner dialogue alert…
Oh God!! What do I even say?!? They look kinda busy but I don’t want to seem like a recluse weirdo. I’ll say “Hi”. Oh, no! After “Hi” is usually “It’s been a long time. What have you been up to?” How do I condense 5 years into a quick conversation?! So much has happened. Too much, really. Come to think about it, is any of it interesting enough to mention? Yeah, some of it is but is it only interesting to me. Ugh, I’ll just say “Hi” and if things go wrong I’ll just crawl into a hole somewhere and think of all the other things I should have said until the end of days.
You look back up and they’ve long since passed. In fact, it’s about 4 hours later, the sun has set, feral dogs howl in the distance, and you don’t recognize anything around you. Thank God for Uber.
And….that pretty much sums up everything that goes through my brain when I get told things like “Didn’t you write a long time ago? It was funny. You should do that again.” (I feel like there is an anxiety medication salesperson somewhere who is screaming at their computer while reading this with visions of enormous commission checks). Well, I don’t know how long this new batch o’ blogs will last but I feel like if I can get a quick update/introduction out-of-the-way, then I can get back into writing about random everyday nonsense about my life and my kids in hopes that they can read these posts twenty years from now and realize that they are partly to blame for my upcoming psychological breakdown.
Here’s everything that has happened in the last 4.5 years since I wrote last (Yes, it’s been seriously nearly 5 years and I’m really unclear if people still blog or if all human interaction is done through text and YouTube toy unboxing/candy review vids):
- Grew a Beard (Gotta mention the important things first)
- Had a son who is 3 years old now (I think you’ll hear about him)
- The 3-year old little princess I mentioned before is now an 8-year old diva in the making (She’ll make regular appearances here too)
- Quit my job and have been a stay-at-home dad for 3+ years (forgiveness for going on tirades about Paw Patrol or using kid-friendly replacement swears would be appreciated)
I think that about catches you up. Now, if I see you on the street, I can just say “Hi” and we can talk about normal things and BS like we used to. More accurately, if you happen to be walking by a park where you look over to see me chasing my son around and chasing the boys away from my daughter, come over and say “Hi”. Helicopter parenting can wait for a few minutes.
Anyway, it’s good to see you again.