Let Me Take You On A Sea Cruise…Part 5

Being unprepared for our scuba trip left us completely sunburned and miserable. I think they knew this when we entered the gift shop onboard the ship because I assume that they tripled the price of the aloe soothing gel because I’m pretty sure we spent about $35 “funbucks” on it which translates to $35 real bucks on land when you have to pay your bill.

Changing my race in a few hours of sunlight meant that I spent the rest of the day overcompensation for the pain and that night I had the worst night of sleep of my life. I couldn’t get comfortable and just laid there praying for morning. I finally got about 3 hours of sleep and woke up at 7am in a great deal of muscle pain from sleeping awkwardly. I knew that in a few hours we were going to be in Cozumel doing the Carnival version of “Amazing Race” which didn’t seem possible since I was moving about as quickly as a 95-year-old amputee.

My wife called down to the front desk asking for a refund so we could spend the day recovering. I wasn’t listening in to her conversation but I assume with the way that she got off the phone that they just laughed and then hung up. I’m not crazy about wasting money so we decided that we would race amazingly.

After getting everyone wrangled up we set out for our race. We we informed before the race that at some point we would be wading out into the water and diving for a clue so the wife wore aquasocks for the trip to give us a slight advantage but they fell apart about 50 feet off the pier. So now we were both hobbled and there was very little chance for success but we were determined to have some fun and just not finish last. We were dropped in the middle of an outdoor mall in the middle of town and given a map with no markings and a first clue. Off we hobbled toward adventure.

After a bit we realized that the quickness in which we solved clues was going to be our advantage in this race as we flew through the first 3 stops. On a side note, Cozumel is beautiful and the people there are really friendly and would cheer us on. I know that this was probably done sarcastically as I’m sure, once we passed, they would make fun of our pastiness.

We got to the water clue and were shipped out to a sunken ship by glass bottom boat. The water was incredibly transparent as you could see to the bottom. Once we got the name of the sunken ship we were back to the mainland to do some more running while we air-dried.

One of our next stops was an outdoor market where we were supposed to find a clue. We quickly ran around looking for something out-of-place and found only bad vegetables and disapproving eyes. After receiving my fair share of dirty glances from locals I heard a small child yelling “AQUI! AQUI!” which in my 3 years of high school Spanish I know to mean “here”(That’s about all the Spanish I’m good for. I failed the 3rd year.). We ran over to the corn stand the boy was at and he handed my wife an ear of corn. I was a little leery about this because we were warned that the locals would attempt to sell us things during our adventure so I was pretty sure that we were about to purchase an ear of corn. He told my wife to open it which she reluctantly did. There was nothing inside and the boy suddenly looked disappointed and looked like he was about to cry. Did we just kill his pet Corn or something? Oh God! The locals will attack us for grabbing this ear of corn out of this child’s hands and cracking it open! Just about then the adult at the table, that had been ignoring us, came over to tell us that there was a clue in the corn and we must have missed it so she handed us a new one and off we ran for our next destination.

After a few more stops we found our last destination which was a restaurant in the middle of nowhere where the other 35 teams had gathered as a alcohol-fueled finish line. After all the times had been tallied we finished 11th out of 35 which was pretty damn impressive with our original handicaps. After the strongest giant margarita I had ever had we headed back into town.

During our travels I had noticed some of the shops had mexican wrestling masks with NFL teams on them. I had to have a Packers one! It would be mine but I decided to have my hand at haggling for my prize. I decided I wasn’t going to pay more that $12 for one and asked the salesman how much he wanted. $45. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?!?! You can’t go to $12 from $45 so I decided that I’d play “The Walkaway” and about 3 steps out he lowered it to $35. I then attempted my power play and offered $10 thinking that we’d hit somewhere in the middle. Not happening. He laughed at me and then walked away. My ego having been dealt a huge blow I walked away without my prize discouraged and broken. I later sent my wife back to buy it without me because I couldn’t stoop to his price in person. About 3 stores down my wife spotted a ceramic figure she couldn’t live without. She grabbed it and took it to the counter and asked “Is this where I barter with you?” The man just chucked and shook his head no. I think we’re pretty bad at this bartering thing.

That said, wouldn’t it be overly aggravating to have to barter all day long for these people. I would think it would be annoying to have to hear all day long what these tourists are willing to pay for your wares and then play the “Lets Make a Deal” game all day long. I know it’s a different culture and all so that’s as far as I’m going to get into it. Just sounds tiring.

Our next day gave us Progresso which is the complete opposite of the tropical paradises that we’ve seen thus far. It’s a quarry basically.

This much be the white beach factory

There are shops along the pier which lead to a giant bus depot. Beautiful. We looked at the shops where I found my NFL masks for MUCH cheaper and then turned back to the ship.

We spent the next 2 days at sea heading home. We had already been away for a week now at that point and were missing our little girl and our home so it was about time to head home. Nothing too much out of the ordinary occurred on our return trip but we made it home safely. Honeymoon accomplished. 5 part blog accomplished as well. Thanks for reading.

Happy Honeymoon

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About Josh K

I've always been known as the "funny guy" but getting that "funny" from my brain to paper is still a work in progress. For as far back as I can remember I've just wanted to write for a living and now that I have some big changes in life I finally have a story to tell. Here goes nothin'.....
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