First Santa Pictures Experience

It being the Christmas season we took our little girl to get her first Santa pictures taken. I had to work that morning so I was going to meet my wife, daughter and my mom at the mall. Once I got released from my “prison for pay” I rushed over to the mall to meet the crew. Turns out that a lot of people go shopping on weekends although I guess it was the first weekend after the first of the month so people had welfare paychecks to blow. Anyway, I was circling the parking lot when I stalked enough to find someone pulling out of the first space in the lot. Problem was I was going the wrong direction and my 1998 Honda Accord doesn’t have quite the cornering to pull into the spot so I pulled passed the spot and decided to back in. I did this very quickly in order to get out of everyone’s way and missed the spot by a few feet. I then had to wait for everyone else to pull past before I could try backing in the parking spot again. While waiting another car pulled in front of me blocking my path to move. I assumed that they were just lacking the cornering I was too but it turns out that they slowly squeezed into the spot that I was halfway in as I just stared them down hoping that either they would get the hint that I was claiming that spot in the name of Kern or at the very least burst into flames for crossing me but they either didn’t get the hint or the middle finger is a sign of respect in the country that they just swam away from.

After continuing my trek to find a spot to dump my car I finally found one after about another 15 minutes. At this point I was very late to meet my ladies and I checked my phone to see that my wife had texted me this message:

When you get up here don’t say anything to her about Santa.
 

OK, I’m intrigued. Ran inside and walked up the escalator(yep, super speed) to find my wife and daughter and then I looked past them to see that Santa didn’t have rosy cheeks like I’ve been told in holiday songs not because he wasn’t cold but rather because he was black. Yep, black Santa.

He looked like Herman Cain in a Santa suit which I guess isn’t THAT far-fetched since he’s not really presidential material anymore. I don’t have an issue with this as far as race goes but my concern is that this was our daughter’s first Santa pictures and now we would be forced to always find a black Santa every year to take pictures with to keep the illusion of one true Santa running around to every mall to have all the little girls and boys take pictures of them. To add to my problems they had sample pictures at the cash register with white Santa on it that I tried to use my wide frame to hide from my little girl. Honestly, she didn’t notice at all (or at least didn’t say anything) which is surprising since earlier in the week I was playing a basketball video game and she wanted me to pass the ball to the “chocolate boy”.

BOOM-SHAKA-HATECRIME!

She gets up on Santa’s lap and the wife and I try to move in close to hear what she tells Santa she wants for Christmas but we couldn’t hear her low whispers. Afterwards we asked her what she wanted to which she responded “Candy!”. Whew, that’s easy enough. 5 seconds passed and then she shouted “…and to ride a pony!”. Ummmmm, ok, that’s a little more difficult but more of what I expected. She’s been asking for everything that’s been on commercials for the last month but those answers make me believe that she’s completely normal because I think that’s what all little girls want.

Another piece of proof that the most mundane plan can become a story to tell for years when it comes to having a toddler. I just hopes this doesn’t cause issues for when I try to dress as Santa for the first time to add to the holiday mystery. I’m sure we’ll have a good laugh about this in about 15 years but until then I hope someone makes a website tracking black Santas so we can find one.

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About Josh K

I've always been known as the "funny guy" but getting that "funny" from my brain to paper is still a work in progress. For as far back as I can remember I've just wanted to write for a living and now that I have some big changes in life I finally have a story to tell. Here goes nothin'.....
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One Response to First Santa Pictures Experience

  1. I don’t think my kids would even notice Santa’s race. They would be too terrified by the bright red suit and hat to see an actual person underneath.

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