Kern on the Gridiron: Week 13, Detroit, WHAT!?!? Edition

There have been several teams throughout sports that have been known as dirty teams. The Pistons of the late 80’s, Raiders of the 70’s, the Knicks of the 90’s and basically any team that Bill Romanowski played on. The newest member to this exclusive fight club has to be the Detroit Lions. The Lions have the most personal fouls in the NFL with 26 and had 3 of those in their last game versus the Saints in roughly 5 minutes. The Lions looked like they had reversed their franchise fortune by starting the season 5-0 with the memory of a 0-16 season only 3 years in their rear-view.

I miss these days

It looked like a special year for the Lions but they have gone 2-5 since and they seem to be overly frustrated by the slide.

As everyone has already seen several hundred times, on Thanksgiving the Lions best defensive player and last years defensive Rookie of the Year Ndamukong Suh (yes, I had to google how to spell his name) shoved Packers guard Evan Deitrich-Smith’s head into the turf before standing over him and stomping his arm. Suh, who had already had quite the reputation as a dirty player, has since been suspended for 2 games.

Now he has to find other things to stomp over the next 2 weeks

To add to his already long list of on-field offenses, he has some off-field drama playing out as he ran his car into a tree on Saturday. It was originally thought that there were none injured but 2 passengers have come forward and…well…here’s the best part:

One of the women in the vehicle is quoted in the police report as saying she told Suh she needed medical attention. She said Suh refused her request and told her she was fine. She then walked down the street and had her husband pick her up and take her to a hospital.
The Detroit Lions defensive tackle was calm and polite during the phone call to emergency services. When asked by the 911 operator if he needed an ambulance, Suh said: “No, I don’t think so. I think everybody’s fine.”

Honestly, I think it’s probably more a work of fiction than truth because he’s a high-profile person but it certainly doesn’t help his reputation to have his name synonymous with refusing to help injured women.

Anyway, back to the Lions. In a matter of about 5 minutes they had a personal foul for throwing a punch that seemed to cost them a touchdown, another personal foul for throwing the ball at an opponent and a final personal foul for shoving a referee. Because it’s not just one player that seems to be the problem you have to assume that the mindset it coming from the coaching. Since their head coach, Jim Schwartz looks like he could be related to former-reality-show bad boy and current WWE wrestler, The Miz, I’m surprised that they aren’t taking chairs and garbage cans to their opponents.

Tell me that they don't look like they could be brothers and I'll call you a "sucka fool jabroni"

In fact, earlier in the season, Miz Schwartz chased down opposing coach Jim Harbaugh after a game after he felt slighted by Harbaugh to, I assume, challenge him to a cage match. I appreciate teams that play with intensity but they probably need to lay off the road-rage steroid concoctions that they are serving before the games because it’s costing them points and games.

Random Week 13 thoughts:

-Tebow strikes again! That guy is ridiculous! The Broncos have now won 5 games in a row  after starting the year 1-4 under Kyle Orton. Speaking of Kyle Orton, after his services were no longer needed in Denver he was released and signed on with the Chiefs. If you blinked you missed his Chiefs debut where he took one snap from center and then one more snap of his finger as he dislocated it on a pass attempt. Game over.

– Keeping with the line of teams changing fortune, the Miami Dolphins have completely turned their season around and possibly saved their head coach, Tony Sparano’s job. The Dolphins started the season 0-7 and looked like they might not win a game all season. Since then they’ve won 4 out of 5 with that loss being a 1-point loss to the Cowboys on Thanksgiving. Can’t wait to see them beat up on the Eagles next week.

– Seemless transition, the Eagles are AWFUL! They were embarrassed by the Seahawks on Thursday Night Football and actually made the Seahawks look like a good NFL team. They have more problems than losing though as it seemed like players, WR Desean Jackson in particular, were giving up on plays and looked like they would rather be elsewhere. Chances are that this offseason Jackson might get his wish granted as he probably won’t be welcomed back.

Not the face of a happy camper....or any other camper

– 12 games into the season and 2 teams have already wrapped up division titles. Sunday both the 49ers and Packers claimed division championship with wins and both teams are looking for a couple more wins to wrap up bye weeks in round 1 of the playoffs.

– Worst game of the week: Chiefs/Bears. Anyone who endured watching the Hanie/Palko bowl should receive a medal.

– While watching the Packers improve to 12-0, I couldn’t help but notice Justin Tuck’s facemask. I guess he feels like he should protect his pearly grill so he can do more Subway commercials. I don’t know why he feels that way though because you could drive a city bus through the gap in Michael Strahan’s mouth.

Hannibal Lecter has nothing on this mask

– Packers stock went on sale today and I’m happy to say that I am a part owner of the greatest franchise in professional sports. I am now the 3rd generation of Packers owners in my family which makes us better than you. Just admit it.


About Josh K

I've always been known as the "funny guy" but getting that "funny" from my brain to paper is still a work in progress. For as far back as I can remember I've just wanted to write for a living and now that I have some big changes in life I finally have a story to tell. Here goes nothin'.....
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One Response to Kern on the Gridiron: Week 13, Detroit, WHAT!?!? Edition

  1. mooselicker says:

    If Jim Schwartz was a bigger name I guarantee there would have been an angle with him and Miz looking each other down. It would have happened right before the Lions started their meltdown. Like when Ben Rothles——–(not spelling that out) hosted and was a bust the rest of the season.

    Nice post!

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