Kern on the Gridiron: Week 10 Vick Sucks Edition

I love sports. The struggle, the hustle, the competition, and the overall unpredictability of it all. As long as my Packers win tonight against the best bad team in the NFL, Minnesota Vikings, I’ll continue to love sports. This week was especially fun because the NFL did not disappoint in the way of making gamblers poor this week.

The World Cup Octopus is cleaning up still though

First of all, there is nothing in this world I love more than watching the cocky and overconfident fall on their asses. I loved watching the Miami Heat lose after making themselves the “dream team” through big name signings and to my delight I’ve watched it transfer into the NFL as well as the Philadelphia Eagles signed every guy available that has ever made it through college based solely on their athletic ability. In the preseason they declared themselves the “Dream Team” and the target on their backs have become their worst nightmare as after 10 weeks they are now only 3-6 and pretty much done for the season after losing to the sad Arizona Cardinals, who won despite playing their backup QB John Skelton, not to be confused with the man who was recently sentenced to 15 years in prison in connection to the disappearance of his 3 sons he said he handed off to an underground group. The one thing that they both have in common though is that neither look like an NFL quarterback.

I’m thinking that one of these days teams are going to just refuse to take the “dream team” moniker out of fear of jinxing what little chance they had to compete for a championship. I don’t know what the problem could be but I’m sure that making up championship t-shirts before the season even starts probably doesn’t promote a need to prepare each week. Whatever the reason it’s fun to watch Mike “Don’t Call Me Michael Because That Was That Dog Fighting Guy and That’s Not Me Anymore” Vick flail around like a pit bull at the end of a leash (Probably Too Soon….or Not Soon Enough).

Next, this is the week that shows you how they are able to keep the lights on in Vegas. We’ve already talked about the Cardinals upsetting the Eagles. An equally strange upset was the Seahawks beating the Ravens as well. I’ve seen the Seahawks live twice this season and they stink. Like a cake of awful doused in garbage icing. The Ravens just came off a game where they beat the AFC champion Steelers for the 2nd time this season and they laid a turd of a game and allowed the Seahawks to come up in the win column. Also, who else expected the Niners to be 8-1 at this point. Whoever just raised their hands is either a liar or hasn’t watched football since Steve Young played. They went into NY and pulled out a victory after they watched their star Frank Gore go down early with an injury. I don’t know what kind of witchcraft they are pulling off but it worries me that if the Packers lose a game or 2 down the stretch that the Niners get to play the woeful NFC West and might steal a #1 seed in the playoffs.

Other random thoughts:

-Has anyone else noticed that Mark Sanchez’s face looks like a connect the dot’s puzzle or a constellation? I don’t get the GQ buzz with him but I guess that’s what makes me straight.

What it looks like if you take a nap on an ant hill

– The Colts are now 0-10 and there was talk about Peyton Manning trying to speed up his surgery recovery to try to play this year. WHY!?!? The season is lost but it brings up an interesting dilemma if they get the #1 pick and have QB and 2nd coming of Christ, Andrew Luck available to them. Apparently, trading Peyton Manning is not going to be an option with his upcoming roster bonuses and whatnot so it’s either trade away the future to honor their long time hero or cut the hero to make way for the savior. This is going to get interesting especially because now that the Dolphins won they have a 2 game lead in the Luck Sweepstakes.

– I think we’re coming up on our first NFL coach firing of the season. The contenders: Todd Haley of KC, Andy Reid of the aforementioned Eagles, or Pat Shurmer of the Browns. All 3 deserve the axe but it’ll be interesting who gets the chop.

– Are the Packers going to win tonight by 30 or 35? I haven’t decided yet. I’m leaning towards 35 but I can’t be certain.

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About Josh K

I've always been known as the "funny guy" but getting that "funny" from my brain to paper is still a work in progress. For as far back as I can remember I've just wanted to write for a living and now that I have some big changes in life I finally have a story to tell. Here goes nothin'.....
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2 Responses to Kern on the Gridiron: Week 10 Vick Sucks Edition

  1. Justin says:

    1. Jack Del Rio should be fired.
    2. I sincerely appreciate you not mentioning Tim Teabow. Man I hate that guy.
    3. I am surprised not to hear your thoughts on Blaine Gabbert v. Curtis Painter in the “Little Miss Sunshine” Cup. It’s cool to have long flowing blonde hair if you are a good qb or Kevin Greene. But, if you suck you better look like Johnny U.

    • Josh K says:

      1. Del Rio keeps his job because he gets to put “swept the Colts” on his resume now.
      2. Tebow is going to revolutionize the AFC West. Unfortunately that means that the first team to 6 wins gets the division crown and the right to get beaten by the Texans 102-3 in the playoffs.
      3. I was going to mention the “If Thor and Hulk Hogan had a baby with horrible muscle defects” championship but I feel like the media coverage is unbearable already. I’m sick of hearing about it everyday on ESPN. I’m sure that Penn State is happy that Gabby v. Painty is taking away headlines though.

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