Toys R Yours

We received the Target Christmas Toy Book o’ Coupons this last weekend and I had my first opportunity to take a glimpse into my future. As I watched my daughter scour through the pages of the book and pick EVERYTHING as potential Christmas gifts I could picture myself working part-time jobs at Target, Walmart and Toys’R’Us just to get employee discounts to provide for her and hopefully pay the utility bills at the same time. I guess I could just get her a few dozen Star Wars Lightsabers and we could just use those as torches to guide us through our cold, dark home but I was raised knowing that a lightsaber is not a toy but rather an instrument for the just and kick-ass.

Oh God, THE YOUNGLINGS!?!?!

Anyway, this childish greed didn’t exist merely 6 months ago when we went to the store and all she wanted was mere bubbles. Now it’s Barbie’s and purses and dresses and anything pink or purple. So what did I just buy her the other day??? A Playskool basketball hoop. Hell yes, I did. Sure, some may see this as me trying to push an agenda of future “alternative lifestyle” in hopes of getting her through college without getting pregnant but no one can really prove my intent until I decide to give her a bowl-cut and plaster her room with Martina Navratilova posters.

Mothers....Lock Up Your Daughters. Here Comes MARTINA!

I’m just trying to stay relevent in her hobbies. Once the pink/purple dresses come out, I’m only needed at that point to say “You look cute”. I desperately always want to be included in everything she does. Now that I put that into writing I feel slightly selfish about it though. I may retract that statement later when she decides that she’s into Living Dead Dolls and the occult but for now I want to be a part of things and there’s no better way to do that than to push her in the directions of my interests.

Ugggggghhhhhhhhh (shudder in horror)

The other day she asked me if I wanted to watch football because she wanted to watch the Packers. I was so proud but also felt a little guilty for the brainwashing that had to take place to get her to say that. I guess what I’m trying to say is that she’s going to demand independence eventually and seeing how smart she is, it’s probably coming sooner rather than later. I just want to share something while I have the opportunity. Please don’t take that to mean that I just force her to watch SportsCenter all day because we watch enough Little Einsteins for the theme song to play on constant repeat in my dreams. I just want us to have something that will last.

Anyway, I feel like I sprinted away from my premise of my writing here which was to talk toys. I got to be a part of her Christmas last year but this is the first year as “daddy” to play that part. I really can’t wait and I’m still looking for the perfect set of football pads to get her.

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About Josh K

I've always been known as the "funny guy" but getting that "funny" from my brain to paper is still a work in progress. For as far back as I can remember I've just wanted to write for a living and now that I have some big changes in life I finally have a story to tell. Here goes nothin'.....
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2 Responses to Toys R Yours

  1. Pete Julier says:

    Just keep in mind taking a potty break while on the clock at Walmart will cost you any chance of getting the employee of the month parking spot and result in possible demotion to fitting room monitor. LOL Excellent and funny writing Josh I look forward to future posts.

    • Josh K says:

      Thanks. As for Walmart, I accept my demotion to fitting room monitor. I do have the skills needed where I can count to 5 items and can also put clothing on hangers. I think I can work my way back up the title of “Cleaner of Spills”. Gotta believe it to achieve it.

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