Kern on the Gridiron: Week 9 Seahawks Blow Edition

It's the Cowardly Loser....uh....I mean Lion

I’ll usually try to keep this blog stick to my parenting theme but every now and again I’m going to talk about my random thoughts. Today, you get a super dose of sports. Enjoy.

The wife and I got tickets to see the Seahawks lose to the Bengals yesterday. I say we “got tickets” because we received them for free, most likely because the Seahawks are completely unwatchable. This team makes me proud to be a fan of any team other than them, let alone the fact that I’m a Packers fan and they haven’t lost a game in almost a year. We’re planning a trip out to Green Bay to catch a game next year after they defend their Super Bowl Championship by going 19-0 this season (I’m currently typing with one hand and knocking on wood with the other). Anyway, here are some of my random thoughts from my experiences at the game.

First, I don’t think there is a single person in Seattle that owns a Seahawks jersey of someone who currently plays on the team. As a die-hard Packers fan, I would NEVER wear a jersey of someone that isn’t either currently on the team or a legend. For Hawks fans, it looks like just owning a single piece of team merchandise is the requirement. I saw a lot of jerseys for Hasselbeck(currently playing for the Titans), Shaun Alexander(last played for the Redskins), and Lofa Tatupu(last seen collecting his 3rd DUI and I think he currently plays for that “The Longest Yard” prison team). It just seems lazy as a fan but then again this current team doesn’t have anyone worth getting excited about.

Next random thought, we’ll get back to parenting a bit. I learned something about myself as a father today. During the game I noticed that cheerleaders (Seagals) get almost more exposure than the actual players. Now, I consider myself as much as a dude as anyone. I enjoy action movies with explosions and I’m crazy about sports. I’ve also been known to be with and marry the fairer sex. However, the cheerleaders just don’t do it for me anymore. In fact, they haven’t “done it” since I was roughly 12 years old. The Swimsuit Issue has the same effect now too.

It's just not the same anymore

I’ve decided that cheerleaders, not to mention any other woman who are paid to “flaunt it”, are enjoyed by only men who don’t have daughters. To those men with daughters, it’s hard to realize that those ladies used to be someone’s little girl.

Random thoughts continued, at one point I got beer spilt in my hair. Not just a drop but probably a quarter cup of skunk beer. What is the etiquette for this interaction? My immediate reaction was “Dude, what the hell?!?!” but by then the guy who did it had passed by and either didn’t realize he had done it or just got the hell out of there hoping that I was a pacifist not willing to stab him for such an act of disrespect. I was half hoping that he’d bring me back a hot dog to make up for it but that wasn’t the case. I’m thinking next time I need to track the guy down and offer him a sippy cup.

Drunk people bring me to my final thought. We took the Sounder train in and out so we wouldn’t have to drive which was delightful on the way in but I guess there was a problem with one of the trains coming home so they packed us in like sardines on the way back. This brought about another crazy situation on public transportation. We were surrounded by a crew of super drunk folks. My least favorite part about drunk folks….the false sense of being funny that they all have. At one point there was a joke about how hot it was and the woman in standing directly in front of us (who had the tact and manners of a diner waitress) decided to stick her hand down the back of her pants and offer her hand up as a sweat testing strip to show those around her how hot she was. Classy!

All said, we had a good time. Luckily I stuck to my fantasy football strategy and started the defense that’s playing the Seahawks to amazing results. It’s experiences like this that make me truly grateful for my new life…..and my Packers. Go Pack Go! Time to go and get my “discount double-check” on. RODGERS!!!

That's my touchdown dance.


About Josh K

I've always been known as the "funny guy" but getting that "funny" from my brain to paper is still a work in progress. For as far back as I can remember I've just wanted to write for a living and now that I have some big changes in life I finally have a story to tell. Here goes nothin'.....
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