Fruity Conspiracy Scandal!

I’m here for the common man. The man who doesn’t get his due. The man who does all the work for none of the credit. For this reason I’d like to shine light on a hard-working individual that doesn’t get his name in lights or any fancy press but keeps doing what needs to be done day-in and day-out. That man/thing/fruit…..PEARS.

OK, I just lost a large part of you with that reveal but this is something that needs to be addressed. Someone needs to ask the tough questions and I’m not afraid to stir things up. In a world where cranberries and pomegranates are being pasted on billboards and commercials there is no love for our green fat-bottomed friends. I know this sounds silly but I’m curious why this is happening.

Case in point, I purchased 2 different items that stated a wide array of different fruit flavors inside. I then read the ingredients list for these and there was pear in both without any mention or picture of a pear found on the container. Here’s my proof.

Exhibit A: Do you see any pears on the front of that bag. The answer is “GASP….NO!” There are 12 different fruit on the front of the packaging but no pears to be seen.

Exhibit B: For the love of God, this juice is even named after three different fruits implying an unholy fruit orgy occurred but pears are the ugly girl they are trying to forget was there too. It’s listed before any of the three marquee fruits for crying out loud! Pears are the bass player in the band of fruit. “No groupies for you, Pear! Go pack up the van!”

Are we ashamed of pears? Is there something wrong with them because I personally love pears and have no qualms admitting that I am a true, full-blooded A-pear-ican. (If I didn’t lose you before I’m pretty sure you ran for the hills with that pun but I’m almost done here so…what the hell). I’m considering starting an Occupy Safeway to stand up for Equal Fruit Rights. We are the 99%!

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About Josh K

I've always been known as the "funny guy" but getting that "funny" from my brain to paper is still a work in progress. For as far back as I can remember I've just wanted to write for a living and now that I have some big changes in life I finally have a story to tell. Here goes nothin'.....
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