I’m nearly two months into parenting and I’ve gotten pretty much in the flow of things now. We’ve built routines and learned what to expect from each other. With these new routines I’ve had to compromise a few things from my old routines to fit with the needs of my little girl. I’m not talking about extremes like dumping my crack habit but more like cutting it down to only 3 times a week (that’s a joke, mom). Anyway, lets discuss the small things that I’ve had to cut out of my routine.
First, showering on an everyday basis is pretty much never happening again. Taking showers at night are not happening because they wake her up and taking them in the morning lead to other problems. I’m in charge of getting the little one up in the morning and ready for daycare so it’s just her and I. The first time I tried to catch a shower before she woke up she walked into the bathroom and started undressing to get in the shower with me. Ummmm, I’m new at this and I don’t feel comfortable with that just yet and probably never will. I peeked my head around the curtain and somehow convinced a half-asleep 3-year-old that she doesn’t take showers with boys and to go into the living room and wait for me. I must have the first toddler that enjoys taking baths and keeping clean. I remember when I was a child I would throw a fit at bathtime. I’m pretty sure my mom and dad would either have to bribe me to take baths or load the bathtub with more toys than water. I’d basically be bathing in Super Friends.
And now that I actually would like to be clean I can’t. It’s like a really tame episode of The Twilight Zone. THERE WAS TIME NOW!
Secondly, my tv shows and video game time has taken a major hit. This one is probably half due to having the little one around and half due to growing up and having responsibility so it’s not that big of a deal but still a shock to the system. With the mass influx of cartoons to my television watching schedule I’ve lost the more adult themed shows. I’ve had to write a pretty sad breakup letter to Dexter and his serial killing justice and had to make some serious late night quality time with Breaking Bad to catch up on their meth-making madness.
Luckily, they forgive me and will be waiting for me when I’m ready to get caught up 18 years from now. By then they will probably be able to beam it right into my head so I’ll be able to watch them without being an awful parent and feeling like I’m influencing my child into becoming a drug dealer or murderer and rather let them make that career choice for themselves.
Finally, I will probably never be able to do anything adult-like socially again unless it involves a playdate of sorts or a birthday party. I’ve never been a bar guy. It’s just not me because my social skills involve talking and it’s a little difficult to carry on a sarcastic and snarky conversation in a bar or club. That said, I’m a karaoke champ in that I can’t sing but think that I can so it’s entertaining for everyone because I think I’m the next Frank Sinatra and everyone else gets to make fun of the guy who fails at high notes. Fun for all involved. Unless I can pass my little girl off as a 23-year-old woman with a growth defect chances are that becomes difficult to do again with any regularity.
I know I sound like I’m complaining but the truth is that if I felt like these things were more important than my child I would continue to do them. I’m not one to do things just because I’m told they are the right thing to do but rather I do what I think is best for my family because I have conviction to do so. I love my little family and would sacrifice things far beyond these tiny pieces of what anti-responsibility Josh used to be. I love creating my new identity as a parent and wouldn’t trade it for anything. For every door that having a child closes, it opens a nerf-covered window of opportunity.