Television: The Babysitter of a Generation

I like to romanticize a lot of things from my childhood versus that of what is available to kids now. From music to sports to food, I believe that everything has declined in terms of how it relates to kids. Think about it for a second, when I was a child I got to get down to MC Hammer who would sing about being too legit to quit and about how you got to pray to make it through your day. Sure it was laughable to those over the age of 12 but it was a perfect combination of wholesome and Funk-ay.

Parachute Pants - both stylish and a safety device

Today kids get to pretend that they don’t know the lyrics to Eminem and Lil’ Wayne when their parents ask them why they listen to that “garbage”. I appreciate a good lyricist more than the next guy but when it comes to kids I’d rather my lil girl not learn what the ingredients are for Purple Drank and I’m pretty sure that she’ll be well-adjusted enough without knowing how to Dougie.

There is however one facet of my childhood that makes me envy that of my little blondie sitting next to me: TV. Sure, I could get all emotional about how Ninja Turtles taught me how to do good and enjoy pizza but after watching more hours of kid’s tv than I’d care to count I’ve realized that entertainment when I was a kid was 100% awful waffle (Salute your Shorts reference).

The major culprit of this crap that was pumped into my television as a child is Dic Entertainment. If you don’t remember these people let me spark you memory with the screenshot that greeted you when you were about to endure “entertainment” that was not only not entertaining but worthy of torturing prisoners of war.

If you saw this at the beginning of the show you knew to shield your eyes much like Indiana Jones with the Ark of the Covenant.

They were all horribly written and animated even worse. Here are some of the turds put out by these Dic demons of demented entertainment: Inspector Gadget, The Littles, Dinosaucers, and M.A.S.K. They also made the tactical decision to create a half-assed cartoon for everything that was popular at the time. They made cartoons for Alf, Bill and Ted, Super Mario, New Kids on the Block, Trollz, and Hulk Hogan’s Rock N Wrestling.

The only alternate universe where Hulk Hogan still has all his hair

Now my child gets to watch good cartoons that I actually enjoy watching too. I’m pretty sure that Pixar was the Rosa Parks of this “Just because my kid will watch anything doesn’t mean that it has to suck” revolution. I commend them for treating my child like a person and also making entertainment that we can both enjoy rather than one of us feeling like an ice-pick lobotomy patient for 30 minutes at a time. The other day I actually got to have a conversation with my child about Albert Einstein after an episode of Little Einsteins. Granted we didn’t get too much into the Theory of Relativity but if she ever puts up a poster of Einstein instead of Beiber I’ve completed my mission as a father.

I know that there is still crap out there being made but the more saturated the entertainment market is with gems such as Phineas & Ferb and Little Einsteins means less time for the Dora’s and DIC’s of the world. We actually told our child that Dora isn’t on television anymore and had a short funeral for her idiotic programing and have now rid ourselves of any songs about Maps or Backpacks.

I almost consider this to be a renaissance of sorts for children’s programming and I think kids are better off because of it. In a world full of things that I disapprove of for my youngster its good to see that the home can be a safe haven for her even if it’s being glued to the tv.

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About Josh K

I've always been known as the "funny guy" but getting that "funny" from my brain to paper is still a work in progress. For as far back as I can remember I've just wanted to write for a living and now that I have some big changes in life I finally have a story to tell. Here goes nothin'.....
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