Job Fair For Toddlers

When I was in school I was told that you can be anything you want to be as long as you put your mind to it. I completely believe that to a certain point. I’m sure that if a 10-year-old Josh had decided that he wanted to be a porn director or a medication test subject that my parents would have intervened and put me on a “better” path. Now, I’m all for letting children make their own decisions and that they will learn from their mistakes but if the lil’ one decides that her passion in life is to set the world record for Big Mac’s eaten in one sitting then I’m going to have to jump in and set her straight (BTW, the most eaten in one sitting was a record-breaking 7 by Elijah Billings who weighs 340!)  

I’ve read up on some things regarding setting your child up for success in the future and taken some things from my own childhood to get a psychic network glimpse into what her future might hold. I can do the same for your child but it costs $5/hr and I also require that you buy me lunch. Small price to pay for piece of mind but let’s look at the telltale signs for my little girl.

The best way for children to learn is by example. Either children decide that they want to follow in their parents footsteps or they decide that their parents are dummies and they want nothing to do with what they’ve made of themselves. I may be slightly biased in this thought but I think that the lil’ one will follow in mine and the Mrs footsteps which means that she’ll be in the education field. OK, so I barely count since I’m in financial aid but it’s education meets finance. Anyway, this field works for me but a parent always wants better for their children so I see bigger and brighter in her future.

The next telltale sign to her future is what does she pretend to be when she is playing. Unless she marries into royalty this one probably isn’t possible. I don’t think many girls go into college studying to be a princess. Plus, horrible things always happen to princesses. If Disney has taught me anything it’s that the life of a princess is far from just glamour, fashion and fancy handwaves. For every social ball and Prince Charming there seems to be an evil witch and a curse to be saved from. She also plays cashier which also worries me but those reasons are obvious. With that said, is there any larger gap in career play than princess to cashier?! Seriously!

Princess Peach Working as a Barista

Anyway, my main worry for the future is the lack of focus on education by this next generation. I’m afraid that it promotes less rocket scientists and more employees of Johnny Rockets. I think this actually works to the little one’s advantage though. Imagine a world full of the dummies from infomercials where you are the only person who knows how to use normal everyday products without serious injury.

...Or Can Have a Sandwich Without Eating Your Fingers

You would be KING! (or queen in her case). Just knowing your multiplication tables will put you on pace to be a mathematics professor at Harvard once the current professor’s tenure on life runs out. Either that or the educationally deficient masses will burn her for witchcraft of numbers. Let’s hope for the first option. I think my goal is just to keep her nose in her textbooks until she is 19. Both the Mrs and I had no problems in school so she won’t be able to blame her dumbass parental figures like most kids can.

I know she’s going to do great things. Incredible things that will surpass both her mother and I. I’m already very proud of the kid that she is and can’t wait to see what kind of world-changing ideas she has bouncing around up in her noggin along with all the words for the Spongebob song. Until then I just have to wait and see what Princess Cashier play evolves into for my next glimpse at the future.


About Josh K

I've always been known as the "funny guy" but getting that "funny" from my brain to paper is still a work in progress. For as far back as I can remember I've just wanted to write for a living and now that I have some big changes in life I finally have a story to tell. Here goes nothin'.....
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