Novice Parenting 101

Over the last 18 hours since I decided to start this my mind won’t stop coming up with ideas. Either that means that I might have enough material for a post every 3 hours or so or I’ll end up a stuttering, slobbering mess in a padded cell muttering about the food I ate 3 weeks ago. I hope that equals entertainment one way or another.

Enough of that noise, let’s get down to brass tacks. Let’s talk parenting, how bout it. I’ve got 25 days of parenting experience which means that I’ve already started on my first book of parenting advice and have an appearance scheduled on Today to discuss burping techniques. Wait, that’s right, I don’t know anything.

I had an amazing childhood and between both of my parents there is probably a ton of good advice that’s been tested out on me. However, my only piece of advice that I can remember is from my dad, “All Boys Follow Their Hair”. He meant it in a funny way rather than a possibly abusive way but it’s really the only words of wisdom that I’ve kept from my younger years. OK, so I also remember “Righty tighty, lefty loosey” but that rarely works in a child raising situation except when you must shove tissue in a runny nose.

Another difficulty other than my Nintendo-destroyed memory is the age-old problem of men vs. women. Since we actually don’t look like Barbie and Ken under our fabric exterior it causes some diffucult situations. I barely understand my own “junk” let alone “lady junk”. Bring in a 3yr old girl who has a lot of questions about stuff and that leaves me in a bit of a predicament. You can’t adlib anatomy questions and my knowledge stops at “the leg bone is connected to the foot bone”.

I remember the first time the wifey left me and the little girl alone. Before wifey-dearest took off she asked if I had any questions. “Just one. What if she has to go poop? Do I wipe? Do I stay in the room? Do I just curl into the fetal position until you come home?” I’ll never forget her answer. “Pray she doesn’t have to go.” Thanks.

All in all my first impression is that as long as you approach these delicate situations with a little laughter and some humility it all seems to turn out just fine….and then you have a story to tell the masses.


About Josh K

I've always been known as the "funny guy" but getting that "funny" from my brain to paper is still a work in progress. For as far back as I can remember I've just wanted to write for a living and now that I have some big changes in life I finally have a story to tell. Here goes nothin'.....
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One Response to Novice Parenting 101

  1. My husband always gets worried too when I leave him 1 on 1 :)!

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